Heroes 411 Warm-line

Heroes 411

January 1st, 2016 | Military With PTSD

Categories: , , , , ,

Comments: 21 Comments

Caregiver peer warm-line.

Heroes 411 is a peer-to-peer warm-line for Caregivers of wounded warfighters.

The Heroes 411 Warm Line is for caregivers who need support and who want to talk to someone with a similar background. Warm Line Operators are Caregiver Peers to listen in confidence without judgment or criticism and to provide non-clinical peer support counseling. At any time, a Peer operator may help someone through a difficult time or situation or share in a caller’s positive experience.

This Warm Line is for anyone who wants to talk about anything! People just want to be heard! Sometimes we feel lonely or feel so happy about something with nobody to call and tell our great news to. That’s what the Warm Line is all about!

21 Comments

  1. I am married to a sweet guy with Combat PTSD. Feeling he is in denial and wants to blame me for the issues in our marriage.

    1. I get overwhelmed myself by the behavior and lash out.
    2. It gets to a point now he has resigned from his job and blames it on my attitude due to the stress level. Then punishes me for not going to work. I am working 2 jobs to support household living expenses.
    3. When I come to him about a problem he reverts it is my fault and it leads to me being defensive and have an attitude.
    4. A part wants to be done with the marriage, but the other half is telling me not to abandon him in this time. I just do not know how to cope with this.

    If someone can help please give some advice.

    We are on shaky grounds.

    • How long have you been married?

    • I am currently going through the same thing you are, and I know just how hard it is. physically. mentally. emotionally. it literally takes everything out of you. my fiance has been out of the army for 8 years now and was basically single unroll met. He just worked worked worked and when he had time, did things with friends. so tell him this way of living was normal. and then I came along or vice versa. he has horrible black out ragEs that truly scare me to death. he has finally got put on medication and has been on it almost a week now I noticed a slight improvement and his overall attitude however the slightest change in my tone is all it takes to set him off. I promised him that no matter what I will always support him and be here for him through all of this. there’s time were I feel he should have completely just devoted his life to the military because it seems that’s all he knows. when he’s in these rages he sounds just like a drill sergeant. he has no feelings or emotions at all the only one thing he has is anger. I’m at a crossroads I don’t know what to do. we struggle in other parts.. ie; Dishonesty being the biggest. he never takes responsibility or accountability for anything he does nothing is ever his fault. His “Friends” know the one side of him.. the side I fell in love with, they do not know the PTSD side. he told me before after one of his first rages to talk to you his combat buddiss, they could relate because most of them we’re struggling also. so I did and the one put me in contact with his wife and we talked a lot over just a couple days and she told me about her experience with her husband and scary rages he had and she said it took her leaving him for him to “Get his head out of his a $$ and get some help” and that maybe that’s what I needed to do also. I had took a few days to ponder that and I was set on leaving simply just to let him know I was not willing to accept being treated as I had been, ie; to get his attention, a WAKE UP CALL. I had let her know my decision and within less than an hour they both, her and her husband (his combat buddy) had deleted me off social media and would not return messages. I felt stupid, hurt, judged, and in a sense betrayed. I was not leaving him to leave him I was leaving him and help him, following the advice I was given. I had told him about this and he asked them and he said they told him they didn’t want anything to do with somebody who was just going to give up on him. I am still hurt over that all. I hope nobody here judges we’re all going through the same thing. I just don’t know what to do anymore, I’m stuck in ambivalence. Every day is a horrible struffle with myself.

    • Contact Matthew R Burke, Ret MSgt USAF…. He has a non profit http://www.10-CAN.info
      & he would love to help you and anyone with PTSD…. please write to him at
      10canemaiil.gmail.com

    • Hi, I just wanted to say I am in the same spot. 22 years, 3 kids, 2 separations and I am at the end of my rope. I can’t help him when he won’t get his own help. Wish you the best!

    • Sweetie remember please that he has no one to blamr but you. Your safe and are not going to leave Jay as the goverment did.he is hurting, confused to a a degree he does not understand.Three jobs to make up for his one. Hey Counciling quietly and tell no one. Do not tell Jim your problems. It is over load for him.ARE you talented at homenaje art? Is he? Make art at home. Sell at markets yourself. Try to lovingly talk him into going. He will most likly join you if you make him feel needed again. My prayers are with you…..and Jim. HANG IN THERE. HE IS TRYING TO PUSH YOU AWAY BECAUSE HE FEELS WORTHLESS. JOIN A GROUP OF YOUR PEERS.

    • Dear Jay,
      It seems as though you are as overwhelmed and anxious as your sweet guy. Before you are able to go any further you need to know that you are not alone. You need a good support group, one that understands military culture. I don’t know the branch of service your husband was in, but you must understand military service members were taught to down play any illnesses that they encounter. So with this in mind it shouldn’t come to surprise you that your husband is in denial. You need to nurture and take care of yourself, otherwise how would you be able to take care of your husband and other family members. Also, don’t forget what attracted you to your husband when you first met. Marriage is hard enough, let alone the complications of combat and PTSD. I hope you find some resources that are familiar with your experiences and try to get some help for yourself. Knowledge and insight will help you not be so hard on yourself. To walk away with out exhausting all your options wouldn’t be fair to your marriage. Hopefully you will find some answers to your situation which will help empower you. Your husband might respond differently if he see’s you are handling things differently. Good luck and keep me posted. RB, LMSW

  2. The first thing you need to know, he is not lashing out at his Wife but a person in front of him because he blames himself and feels like a failure, a broken or less than a man/husband. He is so stress out and feeling bad.

    Has either of you reached out to the VA Mental Health department for help?
    Especially for groups, they have helped me a lot in the pasted.
    I wish I got involved with them when I was married, I might either be married or at least not have put her (and me to some point) through as much hell as I was in denial about having PTSD, TBI and Depression.

    I am still putting my life together after going suicidal in 2010 but if by talking about it I can save 1 life or couples relationship, etc.

    Good Luck and feel free to message me on Facebook.

    SgtWolf

  3. Good Morning,

    My name is Marvin C. Hale.
    I am an Army Special Forces Detachment Commander(Ret)
    I have (17) seventeen years of active duty under my belt.

    Prior to my military time I endured 4.5 years of law enforcement as a teenager.
    At (14) fourteen years old I was deputized as a peace officer.
    At (15) fifteen years old I got into my first high-speed pursuit and shoot out over the Sacramento Causeway at speeds of over (100) one hundred miles and hour!!
    At (16) on an OP in San Francisco California I lost my best friend and partner Mike as mike was assassinated.

    Additionally, fast forward–My seventeen years in the United States Army was all Ranger and Special Forces assignments.

    Presently, I am honored to introduce Psy.D. Carolyn Crimmins of Cross Cultural Counseling & Evaluations.
    As a Clinical Director Psy.D Crimmins also a preceptor for Pre-Doctoral and Post-Doctoral PhD’s.

    Presently we cover California.

    How can we be of service??!!

  4. I find it sad that so many families suffer with these situations. My father is a wwll vet. I have many other family members who have served and are serving. Unless you have experienced what they have,it’s hard to understand. I may be wrong but this is the way I try to understand it.

    1. Is when my husband was in the military, the wives of his unit wld get together play cards go shopping and be a support group for each other.

    2. I would go to the library and search How to be a military wife?
    What is PTSD ? How to understand it and how to cope.

    3. As USA upbringing we are to protect women and children. They are taught to protect only their country. Mentally we have a disadvantage when it comes to war.
    4, I tried putting myself In some situations of the soldiers and it helped me to understand a little. You can never understand fully unless you experience it yourself.

    4. Realize the person you married is the not the same as before they where soldiers. They have experienced people in their faces screaming all the time. Dodging bullets to stay alive and watching and some times shooting woman men and children so that the women and children and country will be safe.

    5. They have been placed in a position of think fast, don’t make mistakes or it can cost you and or others their lives.

    6. They face so many situations of do not fail,that when things don’t go as planned they feel like failures. When they come home and negative situations arise,they have been trained if there is a problem deal with it. Make it right. Therefore in my mind if I had problems I wld talk to a to the other military wives, the chaplain to see what I cld do to fix the problem.

    7. Your never going to fix them all,but there are certain measures you can do to minimize the situation. Some soldiers feel they have handle the worse situations ever by protecting the Country,, their units and families. They feel home is for peace,understanding.

    8. I wld put me self in my mind as if I was the soldier in the unit that stayed awake days and nights watching out for my people. Didn’t have anything but one canteen of water,had to stay focused to make sure everyone lived.
    Then I pictured the only ppl I bonded with for days wks months and years getting legs shot off and me trying to drag them away from flying bullets. I picture myself getting wounded and almost dying. Then I think about what wld my mentality be.

    9. When my husband came home and had so many problems this wld help me see the war left me with a different man who needed my strength and help and not fussing and fighting.c it’s not easy for any of us,but they served the time and we have to try and understand. I’m not saying it’s alright to be hit or weapons pulled on you. Just try and fix the problem and not the soldier. They are doing the best they can

  5. I have been through alot in my 29 years, I myself suffer with PTSD (Non-Military)and know just how hard it is. physically. mentally. emotionally. it literally takes everything out of you. my fiance has been out of the army for 8 years now and was basically single until he met me, He just worked worked worked and when he had time, did things with friends. so telI am currently going through the same thing you are, and I know just how hard it is. physically. mentally. emotionally. it literally takes everything out of you. my fiance has been out of the army for 8 years now and was basically single unroll met. He just worked worked worked and when he had time, did things with friends. SO to him this was his “normal” way of living therefore never got the help he so desperately needs/needed. and then I came along or vice versa. he has horrible black out ragEs that truly scare me to death. he has finally got put on medication and has been on it almost a week now I noticed a slight improvement and his overall attitude however the slightest change in my tone is all it takes to set him off. I promised him that no matter what I will always support him and be here for him through all of this. there’s time were I feel he should have completely just devoted his life to the military because it seems that’s all he knows. when he’s in these rages he sounds just like a drill sergeant. he has no feelings or emotions at all the only one thing he has is anger. I’m at a crossroads I don’t know what to do. we struggle in other parts.. ie; Dishonesty being the biggest. he never takes responsibility or accountability for anything he does nothing is ever his fault. His “Friends” know the one side of him.. the side I fell in love with, they do not know the PTSD side. he told me before after one of his first rages to talk to you his combat buddies, they could relate because most of them we’re struggling also. so I did and the one put me in contact with his wife and we talked a lot over just a couple days and she told me about her experience with her husband and scary rages he had and she said it took her leaving him for him to “Get his head out of his a $$ and get some help” and that maybe that’s what I needed to do also. I had took a few days to ponder that and I was set on leaving simply just to let him know I was not willing to accept being treated as I had been, ie; to get his attention, a WAKE UP CALL. I had let her know my decision and within less than an hour they both, her and her husband (his combat buddy) had deleted me off social media and would not return messages. I felt stupid, hurt, judged, and in a sense betrayed. I was not leaving him to leave him I was leaving him and help him, following the advice I was given. I had told him about this and he asked them and he said they told him they didn’t want anything to do with somebody who was just going to give up on him. I am still hurt over that all. I hope nobody here judges we’re all going through the same thing. I just don’t know what to do anymore, I’m stuck in ambivalence. Every day is a horrible struggle with myself.

  6. I am a veteran and have been diagnosed with PTSD its no fun and people do not understand why you do what you do or feel the way you do. fortunately my family has read everything they can on the subject and when they see I’m about to loose it the re-direct me change my focus, as they have also talked to counselor’s and was told to try it. it works at times at others they just let me be and walk it off, it can be pretty tense. I watch my triggers and try to avoid them as best I can but I have found talking to other military helps more than anything as we need to know we are not alone in this never ending battle. I will be willing to talk to anyone as helping them in turn helps me. SGT L Painter – Army (Retired)

  7. I really feel for you. My husband has had PSTD since 2006, but not officially diagnosed until 2009. The problem is if they do not see they have a problem, they will not seek help despites “our talks”, “our pleads” and “our threats to leave”. It never goes away. However, they can learn to control it rather than it controlling them and their families. It requires constant maintenance or it will rear its ugly head when you are not looking. The best advise I can give you is to take care of your self. In a way, you have to become a little “selfish” and look out for yourself or you will also go crazy. Everything has been short lived with my husband, he is in school, he is not in school, he has a job or does not have a job. What I learned is these are all “bandaids”, and when they are ripped off, the wound is still there and has not healed. My husband got fired from his state job a couple of years ago..and has been going down hill ever since. He seemed happier and much more sociable when he was working. For the last six months, he has been having “episodes” once a month. I would then talk to him and he could calm down for little while and then it would occur again. I finally told him I wanted a long term solution, since the short term solutions (my talks) are not enough. He agreed to go to the Vet Center for counseling. I am cautiously optimistic since I know he is a very good “actor” and can convince everyone he is fine.

  8. Our son has recently reached out to us because of ptsd. He is a former marine. He has gone to The VA and their Drs. What can we do to aid him. Web sites, support groups, anything that will help us help him. Thank you.

  9. To Jay and Sgt. Wolf…
    Too reply would take many hours. Having PTSD for most of my life, compounded with Social Anxiety Disorder, Battered Women’s Syndrome…The list continues.
    My 24 years of marriage ended in divorce 6 months ago, due to PTSD & Domestic Violence.
    While both Fire Chiefs, high stress jobs, that was not it.The marriage, abusive from the start, yes I stayed.

    Our PTSD CAME in different forms, at different times. Mine when younger and through my life to present.
    My husband’s some where from Iraq and then definitely Afghanistan.

    I recognized it immediately when he returned.

    Jay, I lived that life. Right along with the cheating and beating. Non Stop. Something I thought the Army frowned upon, including affairs with subordinates. Guess I was, wrong.

    We are both 55, however I’m 4’11” and finally up to 95 lbs. He 6’4″ 230 lbs. I never stood a chance. Arrested for the first time 2 years ago, called in by a friend when the phone was knocked from my hands. I haven’t seen him. He has chosen too never speak or see me again because of it.

    Disabled from the last TBI my head could take. Of the 3, One has no life span or cure. In double leg, arm, hip, back braces and crutches. I’m alone. After all how could a wonderful guy, a hometown hero do something like that. It simply wasn’t possible. I obviously fell down again, since I was always bruised or hurt.

    I lost everything. I have no support. He basked in the sympathy and pity he received from the arrest. Along with the hero worship and thanks for serving your country, and continues to do so.

    His harassment towards me continues too this day in all forms. Some days, I think-he got what he wanted. Divorced, free, his girlfriend’s. So why won’t he leave me alone. Other times I think he hasn’t gone to get any help yet.

    I was going weekly too counseling, preparing myself for his return. Especially after Iraq. He went once with me. Vowing never to go back. Not allowing me to either. I made a joke that “we could never go crazy at the same time”. The struggle for me to try and hold on too my sanity through the day and night verbal and physical abuse really was unbelievably challenging.

    I struggle each day. I refuse to quit, too give in-which is easier said than done. The paralysis comes and goes. The discussion to amputate my lower left leg comes and goes. The biggest struggle is that my remembrance of the good times, the love, the friendship, my soul mate. It doesn’t easily come and go.

    I’ve been asked to write several books. One for the first 25 years of my life, the other, the second 25 years. Meant too lean toward teaching, not some bed time story.

    It did start as, a fairy tale…our eyes met, we fell in love at first sight. Too bad it didn’t end with a, “they lived happily ever after”

  10. What I want to know is why the government isn’t there to financially help the wives and children of the vets with PTSD. My son-in-law is in his 2nd VA inpatient hospitalization due to PTSD from 2 tours (totaling 2 1/2 years) in Iraq. This will be a long term hospitalization. While still married, my daughter does have a legal separation, full custody of the children and they all have orders of protection. Because this is a long term hospitalization, she receives no child support and therefore is totally responsible for the care and support of her children. The only help that she has been able to receive from the government is a small amount of food stamps and thankfully, counseling for the children, otherwise, she has been left totally on her own. The family tries to help out where possible, but she is thousands of miles away. If her husband had passed away, she would get social security help to raise these children, so why can’t the government give her, and other PTSD families in this type of situation, the same type of help, since the only reason that they are in this situation is because there family defended this country and in the process gave all, yet the government gives them nothing and hangs the families out to dry!

  11. I need to talk. Help?

Leave a Reply to admin Cancel reply

Required fields are marked *.