20 Comments

  1. I know how embarrassing it can be to look back at the responses or the needs to accommodate the condition.. I have been dragging it around for 40 years, 20 years undiagnosed. Quality support, especially from the close family is essential.. I missed out on that and I spend a lot of my life on edge.. Its a rare woman who takes the time to understand and work with you… All the best.. Its not the end of the world but you can see it from there.. 🙂

  2. Thank you for sharing! My husband spent twenty years of his life in the Military! We will be married for six years, in match. I honestly had know ideal how broken my husband was on the inside, and how much a struggle it is! He was recently diagnose with a mild case of ptsd. I did my research on it as his help-mate! I didn’t want to unknowingly be his trigger! Unfortunately sometimes his trigger happen with out worrying….. I have learned to control my anger and try not react to his angry. A lot of times he doesn’t want control, exactly what you wrote! The thing is a lot of things that he wants to control, really can’t. Emotionally it’s a lot to handle for him, and I. With help of his counselor, better communication and understanding on our part. Life is good! I know I am his peaceful place…when he gets inside his head(his thoughts) I see it and I drag him out. He knows what he is battling and he trust me enough to allow me in to love him through his pain. He leans on me and I lean on God for my strength. May God bless you and your family in every good and bad moment! Someone is always worth fighting for and I found that in my husband.

  3. Hang in there Sir!
    You fought for us now we fight for your recognition for PTSD and a simple Thank you Sir for your service.
    Thank you! God bless you and all Veterans

  4. I feel your pain my friend. Ive been dealing with it since ’92. Its freaky! Add me as a friend if you want. Atleast we will have each other to talk to in the rough times. Thank you for signing the blank check brother .

  5. I was diagnosed with PTSD July 2014. I wasn’t in the military… I can relate to some of what you shared. It feels like a constant battle with yourself to regain some level of ‘normalcy’.

  6. PTSD is a killer it will take your life at any time day or night that is something you live with every day. That choice to live or die is a hard choice some time you are so over loaded with guilt for living and not being dead. It takes a very special spouse to support you and bring you out from behind the walls you have built it is not an easy task, there are more missed steps than correct ones at times. it is so hard to talk to some one who hasn’t walked in your shoes it takes some one who will hear what you say and not judge or look down at you (it was a long time ago just get over it doesn’t work) it takes a lot of love and understanding to know when to give space and when to hold on. There is help out there you just need to get the one that is right for you. Fellow vets understand for we have walked in those boots and face our demons everyday and night and can put our burden down for a while to help a vet or his family with understanding what they are going through because they have been there and are still there. They are able to focus on fellow vets with understanding and NOT JUDGING THEM BUT ACCEPTING THEM AND REACHING OUT TO THEM in doing so they can see themselves a little better and help each other. With the help of others and a good spouse who is very strong and understanding you have a chance of beating the killer by finding a way and a reason to live not only for you but for you family (that includes the fellow vets and your spouse and your family). They can help you take some of the wall around you down and hide behind those walls with you when it is needed. that is how I make if from day to day. I just say no I will not let PTSD win and take another life. I hope it rambling may help some it not easy but living is possible.

  7. Everyday I feel suffocated to death.. What if there is absolutely no one by my side at all? What do people do under the circumstances?

    • I have no answers to your quandry, unfortunately. I have known nothing but PTSD since I was a child and then after ‘incidents’ in the military thus a negative discharge, I was finally formally diagnosed. My fight with the military for some benefits and discharge upgrade has been going on since 1991.The relationships that I have left in my wake and numerous and shameful on my part. So, I have decided to remain single for the remainder of my life on this planet and stick with my best friend, my service dog, in order to not destroy anyone else’s life. After all these years, basically since I was born, this is the conclusion that I have come to.

      • I see. You have a hard life too. How long have you been living alone like this? I am currently 28. Thinking that I can only live alone for the rest of my life makes me very scared. If it is going to be this way till I die, I would rather die now. What is the point of holding on alone in this unworthy world.

        • I am now the ripe old age of 44 and I can finally say that being alone is not all that bad. I have my third service dog who adores me and I couldn’t live without her. She wakes me from me from night terrors, licks the tears from my face, and always has my back. I would highly recommend that you investigate this opportunity for yourself because it changes everything for the good. I was in your place/mindset one or two or more times and the fistful of meds that they have prescribed me didn’t work nor did the amateur-hour shrinks nor their voodoo medicine & treatment ideas. I’m deeply sorry that I do not have any answers but only a bit of an understanding of where you are. I know that I have no one else and can’t stand to think of what would happen to my angel of German Shepherd and that, honestly, is what keeps me going. That, and to a lesser degree, winning what is rightfully mine from the VA. Let me know if you would like more info. Please hang in there. I will keep you in my thoughts.

          • Thank you for your understanding and sharing your experience. I feel not so lonely when I am here. At least I am not that alone. I would love to be able to have a dog friend but I am paying rental to live in a room with no such luxury. I am not from the US and PTSD is not given the necessary attention here. It just scare me to think that I still have to be alone for so long.

          • But are you living in the U.S.? Because if you are, you most certainly can have a service dog for your PTSD. Check out:
            http://www.psychiatricservicedogs. org
            and they have LOADS of information. Good luck 😉

  8. I honestly say on a very personal note that PTSD caused Me to retire as an E-8 with 20 yrs. instead of E-9 and 30 yrs. Yes it cost My career to be cut short. In the mid 80’s not many Viet Nam Vets was still on active duty. I can say in My Battalion there were a small # of Vets. The remainder just didn’t understand, it got to a point that I started to lose confidence and a lack of motivation. Some may say I quit! I say why continue to pretend, the later years PTSD caught up with Me. This is the best that I can explain it. Proud of what I accomplished , just disappointed that more medical attention wasn’t given to Us Vets that wrestled with the symptoms!

  9. I couldn`t figure out why I didn`t value money, till now. also I opened an acct at acct. at nfcu thinking they would be more understanding toward vets. I was wrong. the asst. mgr. would overshadow me and made me react to my dis-ability of ptsd. I had informed that about it. after 4 or 5 times I did react to it and raised my voice about real lousy service, and within 3 weeks or so, I received a letter saying that I was being banned from all branches of the navy federal credit union. my ptsd symptoms re-started and I had to start therapy all over. I am a 3 1/2 yr nam vet.

  10. I felt like I was completely crazy, never understood what was really going on in my head, I quit my job because the stress which had always been there and I just kept marching on until it finally brought me down. The chest compression, panic attacks, nights of not sleeping, the constant heart palpitation, intrusive thoughts, arm numbness, vision impairment and feeling of helplessness finally brought me down. I thought the heart burn was heart burn, but I don’t think that is or was the case anymore. I am not a veteran, just a survivor of severe abuse. I always hate talking about it because with people who don’t understand it just becomes some kind of contest of who had it worse or maybe that was just with people who didn’t care. I thought I was super tough and that because I always fought back that I wouldn’t have any problems. I keep thinking that I am one the that one should be wearing the cape going into fight battles others won’t, I think if I want to be around to have kids and watch them grow up I better hang my cape up for awhile. The most frustrating part of it all is trying to get help and getting “safe” drugs. So I have decided to give the medical professionals who denying me the drugs that I really need a look into to my life. I check my pulse rate, stress level, monitor my sleep patterns, activity levels, food intake and any other biometric I could think of to show them what they are giving me would be better shoved their ass. I am not the one not caring, they are not the ones taking the time to care. Why am I am paying people who are supposed to care and listen, if they don’t.

  11. First off, I would like to thank each and every one of you for telling your stories and helping shed light on this disabling illness… It has helped me to better understand what I am going through as well (diagnosed in 2001, currently in relapse).

    Reading this has helped me to refocus my drive to get better again. Just knowing that I am not alone in this helps tremendously!

    Thanks again!

  12. I felt like I was reading my own story. Wow, I feel you 100% I have been on meds and counseling but nothing works. I am always on Edge. Every time we move into a new house and pcs I have to pay to fix all the holes in punch in the wall, have to replace broken windshields, I know I have caused my 4 year old son emotional trauma and he is so scared of me. That is the worst thing of all. My reactions are instinct and like you said I can go from numb to hulk in a millisecond. I did 12 years in the infantry and my body and mind is so done. I just need the strength to be a good father to my 2 kids. I am constantly on guard and vigilant and it is exhausting. Like you said my brain is a circus and I don’t know how to fix it. I pray, I make myself mottos, but hulk can always be there with little triggers. Have you found anything that has helped you? I have tried everything and I deeply just want to be a good example and father and I fear I am failing at the task. I feel like the only place I can be in this world is walking the streets in a warzone, ready to kill. The civilian world is like an alternate universe I can hardly function in. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us and I will pray for you and all my brothers who have to live through this.

  13. Your “contact me” doesn’t seem to be working…?
    I’m having problems with it but I’d like to send
    you an email. Message me ya?

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